Lora Docherty
Parenting and Grandparenting Today: Do You Protect or Prepare Children to Handle the Difficulties of Life?
Summary
Lora Docherty has worked in the field of child psychology for many decades. In this lecture, she dicusses her observations and recommendations when it comes to parenting and grandparenting today.
Lora Docherty
Lora Docherty was born in South Africa and completed her post-graduate studies at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem. She has lived and worked in Jerusalem in the field of child psychology for many decades. She has worked with directors, parents, and colleagues in clinics all over Israel in the field of early childhood education. She has been active in working with integrated Jewish-Arab institutions, Ethiopian, Russian, and other immigrant children, and evaluating the different programs that were implemented to foster optimal integration into Israeli society.
I dunno how much one can protect children from that today. Obviously, one should protect children if any kind of, or interfere in playing or games, if they are hurting someone else, or they are being hurt themselves, that’s more or less the way to look at it. If what we try we, we let them cope on their own until it’s dangerous. We obviously even in a daycare centre won’t allow a child to push another child off a slide, or do things like that. And it also depends on the child, it does depend on the child. It’s the fine line between protecting and not.
Is that I think is a rhetorical question. One should I think, but that of course is up to everyone, try and keep the values of the children. I don’t think one should change the values. One can be a little bit different, and more lacks on certain things because children are to behave in school, or at mommy, or daddy, or grandparents differently. But I don’t think that they should try and change the value. I know grandparents do that ‘cause it’s very difficult not to say what one wants and how to do it. Again, from my own experience, I can tell you that when my daughter had her first baby, I went in and sort of showed her what to do, and I saw that she was becoming more and more upset. And then I took a step back actually I asked somebody, because often even if I’m the psychologist, you went to your own child, you don’t know what to do. And she said to me, “Just take a step back.” And I said to her, my daughter, I think you’re a very good mother, and I’m sure you’ll know what to do. You’ll know how to do the right thing. And she did and she beamed and that was it. I went and took the step back. Often we think we know better and we often do know better, but the child has to learn on their own and it doesn’t help. And I think grandparents should try as much as they can to keep the same values as the children. It’s a difficult because there are generational gaps in values, and we always think that the way we brought up our children perhaps was the best way, but we have to adapt and learn new ways.